Sebastian Xoss Disabled Strength Athlete
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1400 LBS! DAMN TOO LITTLE!
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Add THAT weight!
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Yep me @ 183 Lbs
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Long way to go!
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ep, that's me @ 183 lbs or so.
If this blog is a bit convoluted please forgive me as though even though I’m a pretty bright soul I am disabled and suffer from partial brain damage.
Often I struggle for the name of common household items; you know that hard stuff like keys, fork or knife and often I forget the name for those things we all drive around; lets just say my other cane is a wheel chair. And my other language is gibberish. Long and the short of it is I am disabled and going after 3 world records. Below is the journey that bought me here.
My Life
After being involved in a hit and run accident in 2000 @ the age of 34 and being left for dead by a Mc Donald’s' employee manager who thought it was more important to make her daily deposit in a timely manner than to realize that her anti-matter (or is that didn’t matter?) machine failed and I still remained a solid substance. Plainly she didn’t care I was in the bike lane the same time as she wanted to make a right handed turn.
Oh, well priorities right? Right hand turns are, in fact critical--even of that means putting someone into critical condition in the process.
Though my temporary salivation would lie within the people who witnessed her mistake and fortunately they were so outraged they refused to let her pass ---I mean let her drive away and leave me for dead. Yup she tried to drive away and leave in a heap of twisted metal. The witnesses actually stood in front of her car and prevented her from driving away. They had to go that far to force her to keep me company. To her I was a hamburger wrapper to be tossed from her car window. Or perhaps bounced off the hood of her car.
.
Look Ma no bra! Oh I flexxin now!
I mean at the four way stop she had cursed me out for going too slow--hey wait, I was in a designated bike lane how exactly was I in her way? Yet she offered me up her best one finger salute and for some curious purpose lingered at the rear of me. As I got near the bank driveway--still in the designated bicycle lane, she screamed an obscenity and floored her car. The last thing I remember seeing was a blur of brown steel and fiber glass charging at me. Hah I think she was JUST trying to scare me--I wonder if she realized just how successful she was.
I don’t think I was every able to get the yellow stains out of my pants.
Ahh getting skinny again.
I ultimately suffered a stroke and ever since I have been on seizure medication for epileptic and non epileptic seizures. I have paralysis of the right side that most stroke victims suffer from. My face dripped, drooped and made me look like I was a very sad dog--as if I had lost some small part of my humanity. Perhaps I did that is perhaps still in some dispute.
--I was now dragging my once powerful legs-legs that had allowed me to leg press somewhere in the region of 1900 lbs-for 3 sets of 5 @ 174 lbs soaking wet and was now barely able to stand like your typically simian. It was as if my leg had died but my leg socket was all but keeping attached.
That's ONLY 1400 Lbs, NOT good enuff!
My right arm, leg and side was numb and I had lost my ability to speak clearly--meaning I sounded like I had a table spoon of sand in my throat. Though some folks still insist that that was a talent I had only imagined I lost-for I have always been a Neanderthal.
Yeah, when you can remove this pebble from my mouth it’ll be time for you go grasshopper.
Okay I had that whole rights side face droop thing and the whole saliva dripping out of the side of the mouth thing going on. You bet sexy as hell. Come on don’t be hating.
Fortunately for me being a lifetime martial artist and fitness buff certainly helped to accelerate my recovery---ok partial recovery anyway--ask anyone who does it for real not some watered down MMA fraud---not this jack of all trades master of none stuff---I’m talking pounding pebbles, sand, bricks and pounding your shins till the dents are permanent stuff-ask any real Maui Thai disciple folks they’ll tell you. I don’t mean to brag just to say once upon a time I old schooled it--for real--meditation--chi--let’s just say I have broken more than my share of bones--oh no not other peoples-silly--I mean my own.
Ha-ha.
I also believed that my years of weight training most likely saved my life when I was struck by the vehicle. That’s what all that testosterone was about. I mean now can barely tie my own shoes and half the time I miss finding my own ass even with the use of both of my hands.
Trust me I have little to brag about. I realize I am a mere shadow of my former self-no ego here. Hey we all get old and cars hump-tying your butt hurts, yeah, believe me. My eggs are still scrambled. Both my yolks irrevocably broken, my shell as shattered as any piece of glass.
I am just trying hard to not become a never was--but much more than a could’ve been or worse a should’ve been. I’ll stick my finger in the dike even if the dam floods any way. Rather go down fighting than go down in a coma. Just like in middle school everyone was asked by the teacher how they would like to die--to my surprise the toughest kid in school answered “in my sleep” all I could about was what a big P--- he was, You know what I’m talking about. I want to die in a fire trying to pull someone out. You only die once make it a bang not a whimper for crying out loud at least TRY.
Yet, Let us be honest I am broken forever.
485 Lbs Calf press
Yes, I suffered from what I am told is frontal lobe bi-lateral brain damage and am partially paralyzed for the rest of my time on this planet. Though only the most observant of onlookers can detect my slight of hand. My Magic trick, my illusion. My own personal mind freak. Much like Dustin Hoffman in Mid-night Cowboy--hmm did he really have a limp or is it something else I see? Sometimes, when I’m desperate I walk with my cane. But mostly I end up walking it like some old mechanical dog that no longer barks but I can not yet bare to part with it--lest I need it once again as my crutch--literally--rather carrying it on my arm as an ornament. As a badge of honor or perhaps I am just simply too afraid to be without it-- It’s there, just in case--for moments when my body quits and I refuse to. Afteral its not the boss of me--still my body goes from sleep to deep sleep for its is always numb.
454 Lbs Bench 3 sets of 5
You know like your girlfriend the one with the wondering eye always looking for something better than you--you know, those moments when your side goes totally out--or maybe just your leg or arm--you’ve had that feeling, pins & needles irresponsiveness--except for me it never really comes back it just ignores me the whole day.
Yeah I have tried to make up with it but it likely I will never be forgiven. After all I was too slow--I let the car hit me--right--my body has me to blame--I failed it before it failed me--if I was just a little bit faster--a little wiser--if I would have been smart enough to realize I was under attack---Id be an even bigger spoiled brat and have even less to complain about.
Just for the record people always talk about how America is a litigious society which I discovered the hard way was completely false. there is no lawsuit lottery. Certainly not for me.
I ended up getting 0 dollars and 0 cents. M body was gone and nobody even tried to insult me by offering money in its place.
The person that ran me over turned out to be the day manger that worked right across the street from the local police headquarters. Seemed my lottery ticket for Saturday nights drawing had all the wrong numbers on it.
Not only did local law enforcement know our devoted bank depositor on a first name bases but they began to interrogate me as I laid half unconscious on the pavement saying over and over again “You crashed into her right?”
Meanwhile I was unable to tell the EMT personnel my name or social security number. After they finished conducting their investigation Law enforcement ended up flagging down the local metro bus line and loaded me and my mangled bicycle onto it. The bus driver damned to know why they were not taking me away by ambulance (none of which I remembered by the way till witnesses of the accident told me), He was told to “--move on--” or he’d “--be sighted for gridlock--”. A passenger ended up escorting me to their doctor-also an event I have no memory of--but I have always relied on the kindness of strangers.
Yes she wouldn’t be arrested for assault with a deadly weapon but instead was set free and probably taken out for oatbran pancakes with butter pecan syrup.
Just as a little side note the only way the police department took MY version of the accident report was when I called the District Attorney and they told me that it was “--outrageous--” how I was being treated and I should inform the officers involved I was going to internal affairs if they didn’t start following the law.
After being bought into the police department and being yelled, screamed and threatened for an hour they at last took my account of the accident in the now infamous police report. By the way they had already had taken the liberty of documenting on the there was “--no injury--” and “--no damage done to the bicyclists vehicle--” Well words to that effect. That’s was kind of them wasn’t it?
I was then asked by police department to bring in my bike, which was totaled as per two bicycle repair shops and to anyone with eyes and a brain. They of course wanted to ‘inspected’ my vehicle for damage. I placed it in the police parking lot 5 ft from the glass front door, chained it securely to a pole and within 30 seconds (and I do mean 30 seconds) when I returned with the sergeant to examine the bicycle it had magically been stolen by leprechauns.
One with uniforms and badges I suspect---but I saw nothing so I couldn’t say for sure. Still the inference was there make of it what you wish I can only add that they refused to review the security camera or interview the front desk officer.
So instead of ‘inspecting my vehicle’ to prove just how hard I had been struck and that there would be no way she could have not heard the impact (she had $1,500 worth of damage to her car)--remember she was fleeing the scene-I was instead writing a police report about my now stolen/missing bike. Ok I know it was a convoluted run on sentence but I am still pissed off about it. If I slap the side of your car you’re going to know about it aren’t you? My bike was totaled, she had $1,500 worth of damage, but she heard nothing?
Right.
Yeah I hired an attorney who never called any of the 3 witnesses that gave their contact information to me and the police department so I fired him and replaced him with an “attorney friend” who promptly placed so much pressure on everyone involved he got the insurance company to immediately settle for $1,000.
Yeah that’s not a typo. 1000 buckaroos.
I couldn’t remember two years of my life, could not remember the name of hard to identify objects you know like car or pencil, I had permanent partial paralysis and got so fatigued so quickly that standing for 45 minutes felt like I had just done a triathlon--yeah that’s worth about a $1,000 Georges.
Tell you what keep your thousand bucks and give me my life back for that matter your ten thousand or 1 million dollars--money is NOT worth this. The majority of people are not the least bit sympathetic to disabled people and I find zero advantage to it. It is harder to get employment, housing and sometimes even a seat on a bus. Store clerks ignore and most folks treat you like whatever you got must be contagious. This is NOT to say everyone I have met many great people that have gone out of there way for me--I am simply saying the majority of people could care less about you.
To conclude with my previous point my “attorney friend” proved be no better then my stranger attorney. Neither had ever called the witnesses, nor the police department, or spoke to my doctors--yeah they had my back all the way. Unfortunately they had a knife in it and they had no fear in using it. After all was said and done I didn’t even get the $1,000 I guess they couldn’t hear my rejection through the drool coming out of my mouth.
Oh well unable to work I applied for social security benefits which I was denied by the government due to the fact that I was not "disabled enough".
Damn it. Seriously? I COULDN’T believe what I was hearing maybe the saliva from my mouth was getting in my ears. Maybe the car had hit me even harder than I thought?
I couldn’t get out of bed for years. I walked funny and stuttered like an idiot. I couldn’t hold a pen in my hand without it contorting and twisting into some kind of monstrous claw, like some Jim Carrey joke except it wasn’t funny--at least not to me. Sometimes I would lose my ability to talk and had to wait an hour or two before the power of speech returned. Wow talk about a scary feeling. Imagine you’re in the middle of a conversation and the person on the other end of the line doesn’t understand why you just hung up on them. They were only trying to be helpful right? It wasn’t even your choice when the conversation ended. That was it--suddenly it was just over.
It was embarrassing being forced to have any human contact at all I felt like an idiot. Let alone now having to deal with another cold blooded bureaucracy--like the police, courts, lawyers, issuance adjusters--yeah daunting. And I failed. Again. Still I tried.
There was my appeal-yeah like a bloodied up seal-thrown into a pool full of starving sharks. My SSI denial that degenerated into “--well back in 1991 you are $71.43 short for being eligible-$71.43? $71.43?? Even though I had worked for nearly 20 years of my life-it was as if I ran the 26 miles of the marathon and fell on my face within the last 385 yards. It was as if I had, in effect, never even shown up on the starting line let all having completed over 2 dozen miles. Yup, didn’t count, false start, foul ball, incomplete, flag on the play, no touch down, no hone run, no finish line and therefore was not entitled to receive MY social security disability. Sounds like a crappy technicality to me.
I had now lost, somewhere in the neighborhood of a quarter of a million dollars if I lived the average life expectancy.
God that sucked. THAT was hard to get over.
My humiliation only deepened. Meanwhile considering the type of disability I had I was in no position in either matter to adequately defend myself. Some People see wounded people as an opportunity. And some people have no compunctions in taking full advantage of the situation. Kind of like rolling over a drunk to get his wallet.
So rather than just keep feeling sorry for my fat white ass--and it is fat and generally pretty white-- I decided to go back to my appreciation fitness and martial arts training. After all there is only one thing worse than being broke and that’s being fat and broke. It took me about 4 years to get out of bed, in any meaningful way and to engage in any consequential activity. Let’s be perfectly honest I am still flat on my back an average of 16 hours a day.
Yup that’s life.
Momma didn’t raise no sissy--and besides I learned to shut up because someone some where’s ALWAYS got it MUCH worse than you. So be grateful. And I am.
Time to make something out of my life, who wants to be the classical under achiever? Not I. Ordinary people NEVER do extraordinary things--that’s a double negative--is it not? If you are doing something extra ordinary how can you be ordinary? Sounds like a major oxymoron to me. There is nothing to do but do or die--right?
Prior to my car accident on July 14, 2008 when I was rear ended by a vehicle while on a stoplight (yup I just have a magnetic personality I guess. Yeah right sometimes I think my own mother barely likes me--she generally calls me out of pity & guilt I suppose. But huge slab of metal for some reason just want to be near me),
Still I did once upon a time Dead lifted 755 about 80 % of the way and leg pressed somewhere north of 1300 lbs for sets of 13 in my quest for breaking the record as I understand it to be 2000 lbs. Now sadly with a potential fracture to my t-12 vertebrae I'm roughly 500 lbs under that mark--in other words I have done 1895. I believe I will have to go through extensive rehab for the next several months to reach those previous numbers. My goal is to make it in the next 8 months--or April 15, 2009 in honor of Uncle Sam screwing me.
As an update I did recently do 10 half reps with 755 lbs-though my Achilles heel is that space between getting it off the floor and the two inches just below my knee. Honestly I have A LOT of work to do in that area.
I have far to go a long road to hoe as they say. I have 100 of pounds to overcome and only a broken body and a mind gnawing at me that won’t let me quit-I gota to see me thru. I don’t mind failing but lets face it quitting is for pussys. I rather have my legs break off then quit. Read into that what you may.
Can I make it--I better. I have two bites at the apple--I’m taking them both. Let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully the chips will be the size of 45 pound plates in adequate numbers on each of the barbell to slide me over the edge.
I’m not arrogant I’m not conceited and I’m not convinced just one step at a time--one foot in front of the other that’s all I got. How big can my ego be I can barely tie my own shoes and my greatest challenge is getting out of bed.
No I am not joking.
Nah. Some people care about us disabled folks others have called me cripple and retard just ask my former landlords from 1845 S Holt Ave Los Angeles Ca R&R Holt Investments courtesy of Laura and Artie Rubin. They left me and my family without heat for a year I ended up with 3 restraining orders against them, 1 sheriffs report and 9 police reports evil folks if you ask me very much so. They made sure I ended up homeless. So I’ve had my share of challenges but whatever get back up right? Keep moving forward, right and I am.
Yeah I know everything will be held against me. The accident, the lawsuit whatever-like 3 thousand dollars will make my life? I have gotten screwed by every lawsuit I ever had. Lawsuits are bullshit. By now I have learned that at least for me-whenever you say its about the principal its really about the money-is also bulllshhs--well guess what there is no money on lawsuits so it is about the principal. I isn’t getting anywhere near rich off of this my boat is out to sea I’m in the middle of no where and I’m rowing alone.
I cant put my life on hold for a possible fracture to my t 12 or damage to my L5 or brain damage paper cut or whatever it is. There is no pot of gold waiting for me at the end of any lawsuit rainbow-it is as Brue Lee said “--the only help is self help--” Pull yourself up by the boot straps be a man-I aint got time to bleed-Do I governor? No, I don’t so I get on with it.
Come on are you really still taking credit for the fact that you are beautiful or good looking Or do you really believe its your fault that you have pretty blue eyes or that you were 6 5 212 lbs by the time you were 14? Send your folks a Hallmark for matting and get over yourself.
So if you can take an apple from someone else or get it before someone else can does that make you more deserving or in fact, more entitled? So than we are not better than animals? Yes only the strong survive--kill or be killed? Though last I looked murder is illegal and you go to prison for it. Yeah I know “I’m getting mine.” Tell me what is YOURS exactly? Sounds like you feel the world owes you something.
So at this point I’ve recovered enough, accordingly decided to work through it all. Ok so I only have short bursts of energy still I'm surprised to learn how strong I was and was actually in site of eclipsing and absolutely shattering (ha-ha beating by the fraction of a rabbits ass-sorry butt) one world record perhaps two... Can I actually do it?
I don't know, but I figure what the hell I'll give it a try, right? Currently I am engaged in millimetering past several world records. I am full of crap I got a long way to go.
